One thing I think a lot of authors fear when it comes to being on social media is the worry about people saying mean things to them. I'm sure by now everyone knows I have social anxiety, so that aspect of things in extra hard for me. So how have I dealt with that worry? To tell you the truth it was the realization that I already had teenagers.
I don’t know if you've ever interacted with a teenager, but they're mean. At least mine are. Actually mine are probably especially mean, because my kids are homeschooled and I have had far fewer outside influences than a lot of other kids. That's great I'm a lot of ways, but not so great when you consider my fatal flaw as a parent is that if you can make me laugh, you can get out of trouble pretty easily. When you pair those things together you get really funny kids and now that they're also teenagers on top of that...
One time they decided they didn't appreciate having been born and all their struggles were because I had children without asking them first. They spent months calling me "Birther, Curser of Life". Imagine that. In my home. Children I made with my own body. Do you think a stranger could top that?
It's like I wake up every day to The Roast of Ashley Hawthorne. It's constant from both kids, and I am their favorite target.
The worst thing a troll on the internet can do is take random guesses about my insecurities, but the kids? They know me. They've sent years cataloging my weak points. I made the mistake of explaining to them that a lot of women over a certain age had crushes on that one Disney fox in the animated robin hood and now the oldest won't stop calling me a furry.
A random internet stranger might tell me they hated my book, but my youngest has looked me dead in the eye and said, "I'm gonna hold your hand when I say this, but that thing you're doing is because of your trauma." Like what the hell, kid? You right but you don't have to say it so loud.
"What if internet trolls make fun of your appearance?"
No worries, the kids have that one covered, too. They spent years telling me I looked like a potato. So flattering, right? And that's not even the worst thing they've done to me.
They have officially named the crease between my eyebrows. They call it The Wrinkle and it has its own lore.
Things my children have said to me about my wrinkle:
1) It's deeper than the Mariana Trench
2) It's visible from space
3) It functions as a black hole
4) It's proof I am older than the universe
5) It's sentient
6) It's omniscient
7) It will eventually consume me
8) It will eventually consume everything else
9) It was a witness to the extinction of the dinosaurs
10) "Oh, I didn't see you there. I couldn't see past your wrinkle."
So, no, I am not afraid of trolls on the internet telling me I'm fat. My kids would eat those fools for breakfast.
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